I was so excited for the open. I had goals and this one was on the top of my list- compete in the open and RX every workout. But then the rest is history.
It’s hard not to be bitter, although I am trying to stay positive. I’ve worked so hard to be where I was before getting injured. I’d met so many goals that I’d set for myself since last May. Now, I sit looking at posts from all my friends and crossfitters on IG and it’s hard not to feel crushed.
Why do I have to start all over?
Why do I have to go through all of it again?
How am I going to meet my goals now?
Yeah, I know. Woe is me, right? 🙄 Trust me… I’m getting on my own nerves.
Contrary to what a lot of people want to think about me… I could care less about being better than other people. Ever since I started crossfit, it’s been me against me. I always want to be better than I was. I set a goal for myself and I do what needs to be done to meet it. I even struggled during the open because I wanted to repeat every workout, even when I thought my results were good. I just felt I could do better. I am a pretty determined chic. I go after what I want and I won’t stop until I get it. I’ll put in the time, the sweat, the hard work… I don’t need anyone to push me because I will push myself, but I have to admit I feel a little defeated now.
It’s going to be hard going into this knowing I can’t do what I was doing. That I’m starting all over in some areas and it will be harder than it was before. It’s going to take time and as I’ve said a million times before, I’m not a patient person.
To be completely honest, and this is hard for me to admit, but I feel pretty alone. Injury sucks. It sucks to have to sit out a few weeks or even a month. However, when you’re told it may take 6 months to a year to be back to your normal self, it’s a bit gut-wrenching. Most people know how much I love to compete and competition after competition keeps coming up on my Facebook feed. I can’t compete right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to compete again. Hell… I don’t know IF I’ll be able to compete again. Its really hard to relate to everyone you work out with… while they are excited about making gains and new pr’s, I’m trying to not stress out over all the gains I’m losing and pr’s that I may not see again for a really long time. That’ a hard reality to face.
And while I’m so ready to get back in the box to train, I have no clue where to start. Everything needs modifying and I’m so used to knowing exactly what to do when I walk in. I’m going to need help and we all know I’m not good about that either! Lol. It’s overwhelming to say the least.
So as the open comes to its end, I imagine how I would have done on the last two workouts. I plan on doing them when I’m healed and I can… Just to say I did them all. I will continue to cheer on the athletes in my box and watch them do the things I wish I could. It gives me pleasure to see people meet their own goals and I’ve enjoyed cheering for and pushing my friends through a lot of these workouts.
I do see the good in this though… it’s forcing me to step back and evaluate what I was doing and how effective it was. It’s making me reevaluate my goals and how to approach them in a healthier way. It’s forced me to listen to my body and not be obsessive about it. I have to rest. My body needs it to heal.
I’ll definitely have a new perspective when I walk in the box to train next time. Talk about an ego check. Injury will checkmate that ego and shut it down for good. Meeting my goals before was big and I was proud of myself when I did… but meeting my new goals will mean so much more because of where I was, where I am now, and where I plan to be on this long journey ahead.
*P.S. Pity party is over… a friend reminded me that they aren’t that much fun anyway. 😘