Anyone who knows me and knows me well, also knows I have no shame. I love to have fun, I’m perfectly fine with making fun of myself, and I feel life is better when you’re laughing. Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever been injured before, but there’s a lot to laugh about.
I mean, I drive a scooter around my halls. I go fast, too, boy! The first day I had it, I had to put a bicycle horn on it and put my stuffed unicorn in the basket and let everyone know I was there.
See what I mean? No shame. But last week topped it all. I put it on my Facebook status that night, but I’m not sure that I can do this day justice in a short little paragraph. It could have been one of the most comical days, while at the time, I am pretty sure all I could manage were a lot of four letter words.
The day started off wrong. I had taken off the day before for a lot of swelling. I hate this cast more than anything and I can’t sleep at night. Ever tried to sleep on your back with you foot elevated when you are a side sleeper. It’s pure torture. I don’t sleep. So of course, I didn’t have my alarm set. I just happened to wake up at 7:06… yeah. I have to be at work by 7:35. Somehow, I managed to get ready and the kids and we flew out the door. I walked in the building at 7:35… right on time.
I ride my scooter everywhere at work. It’s so much easier than the crutches. So as I went down the main hall to my room, my pants that were just like the ones in the picture above got caught on the wheel and I felt myself flipping over. I can down hard on my right knee and tried to pop back up. I’m not gonna lie… I teared up cause it hurt like a SOB. I had a floor burn just like I used to get in basketball. I don’t get embarrassed. I mean, there were at least a dozen people in the hall. Everyone was so concerned but I popped right up like Mary Katherine Gallagher and went on my way.
It wasn’t until my planning period I had to go to the restroom. Our teacher’s restrooms are kinda small. My scooter will fit, but I can barely close the door and then I can’t get around so I just leave it at the door and hop to the toilet. When I was finished doing my business, I went to hold on to the sink so I could hop over and wash my hands. As I grabbed the sides of the sink to hop over, it suddenly felt extremely heavy. It was heavy because the stupid thing came off the wall and I was holding it in my hands!
Now, let’s stop and paint a mental image here… I’m balancing myself on my left foot, holding onto a sink. If I let go, it will break and water will be everywhere. I can’t yell for help because I’m in the bathroom and of course, I locked the door. I can’t unlock the door because I’m holding a freaking sink… on one foot with no crutches! Can you see it in your head? Yeah, told ya I have no shame.
So, I try to put it back on the brackets on the wall. Luckily, I am successful and I think everything is fine, but I was getting the hell out of there before I did anymore damage. So I unlock the door and get back on my scooter. I had to stop and tell my colleagues about my insane bathroom eacapade on the way because let be real… who doesn’t want to hear that story?
I was telling my coworkers at lunch about my horrible day. I was so frustrated with all the craziness going on. So as I am trying to make a point, I slam my hand down on the oven beside me while I microwaved my lunch. Apparently, crossfit has paid off and I am now the Incredible Hulk because a piece of metal then came off the oven. Well, hell. I give up.
But wait! It’s not over. The day wouldn’t be complete without flipping my scooter one last time on the way to recess. I mean, the exact same thing with my class walking behind me! Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up.
I do stupid stuff all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I am super efficient on my one leg, but I have fallen so many times. I’ve ran into things on my scooter, you name it. You have to laugh. It’s the only way to stay sane. And come on… it makes for a great story!